Somebody Please Humble Michael Cole

Posted: December 7, 2010 in TV, wrestling

This isn’t exactly an edition of Blood on the Canvas, though it very well could’ve been. No, this is just a rant I went on in the WWE Parallel Universe discussion threads about Michael Cole, the guy shoved down our throats three nights a week on commentary during Monday Night Raw, NXT and Friday Night Smackdown.

In a nutshell, my problem with Cole’s new “heel” persona is that it’s insulting to my intelligence as a WWE viewer. But on to my rant, which is a little dated, being written before this past Monday’s episode of Raw…

This is just my view, but my problem with Michael Cole the “heel” character is this:

He’s not really a heel at all. He’s that God awful title of “tweener”.

Vince wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He wants Cole to be “the voice of the WWE”, while at the same time heeling it up against guys like Daniel Bryan, Kaval and pretending to have a hard-on for Vickie Guerrero, which suspiciously was Matt Striker’s job before Vince decided Cole needed to be rammed down our throats on Smackdown, too. Add to it his man crush for The Miz.

Douchebags, assemble!

He spouts off all this crap aimed at creating a heel persona, but then wait, hold on, immediately following matches involving Kaval, Bryan or Miz he attempts to even the balance by saying stuff like “In all seriousness, folks…” and “All in good fun!” Umm………..WHAT?

Take the Old School Raw for instance. Cole’s ridiculous ranting and raving during the Swagger/Bryan match that Jim Ross came down to call was beyond stupid and seemed like Vince’s true feelings about JR. Cole was instructed to insult Ross at every turn and keep some of the limelight on himself because God forbid the fans start to remember how much better an announcer Ross is than Cole. And again, at the end of it all, he puts on that shit-eating grin on his face and attempts to push the earlier few minutes of commentary under the rug by saying “Oh, all in good fun! But seriously, ladies and gentlemen….” Jesus H Christ!

It’s one thing if McMahon wants Cole to be more outspoken and try to maintain a heel persona, but you can’t have it both ways and to try and do so is downright insulting to the intelligence of the home audience. There was nothing more that I wanted than to reach through my TV and choke Cole with his headset cord after his act with JR and Lawler, but then to turn around and switch to “balanced, nice-guy” mode immediately afterward almost felt like a literal slap in the face.

And now that stunt on Raw during the Miz/Lawler TLC match. How can things possibly go back to normal after that? Does McMahon seriously expect us to believe that Lawler and Cole can go back to announcing matches together after Cole cost King the WWE Title? All I know is that if that’s the case by next Monday night, I’m gonna be out a couple hundreds bucks because my TV is gonna have a foot-shaped hole in the middle of it.

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